The End
Alright. Blogging because this is driving me insane. So I saw him yesterday or something, and I kind of eavesdropped on a conversation he was having with this student. My stomach is still in knots and butterflies just thinking about it–and it’s not even a big of a deal. He was just being kind and mentoring her as he does anyone else, in that super kind voice, offering advice and care. Holy fuck I just fell all over again for him. I was totally listening in to their conversations, her anxieties, his advice, and I kind of fell into his tones. I thought it might be a bit of jealousy, but jealousy is a feeling in the chest, and all I was feeling was the butterflies in the stomach. My face also got really warm. I guess it was love; I guess it was me falling again–and I think I’m okay with it–the thought of falling for him from afar. The only caveat being my personality–the one that insists she have some of his time and attention.
I think I’d be fine and I’d completely be able to treat him as if I haven’t hopelessly fallen for him if not for these stupid little things squirming around in my stomach and face and making me feel colors when I’m with him.
I also dreamt that I slapped him, and followed it with a barrage of apologies. He obnoxiously took none of it, and continued to be a lil bitch about things.
❄ 31 notes Wednesday 2nd December 2015 (7 years ago)
Uncultured swine
I haven’t posted in awhile, because I honestly thought–and fully thought, and had absolutely no doubt in my mind–that I should completely move on and let go of my feelings for this person. But I can’t because it’s true love, or at least close enough to true love, and I need an outlet. So, here we go again; hopefully this won’t end on such a bad note.
We talked a few weeks ago, and he kind of mentioned reading this book about mythology things. Well, I expressed a slight disinterest in the contents–or at least, what he explained the contents to be. To this, he replied, “well you aren’t as cultured.”
Woah. Are you trying to pick a fight? ‘Cause them’s some fighting words. Called me uncultured swine infront of my face?
Of course, this isn’t how I responded. I wanted to say it but ended up giving him a blank stare and many “uh huh–go on. What do you mean by that?” So much so that I think he kind of backed off with his blatant attacks on my culture…–ality? Let’s go with that word.
This convinced me that I need to become more cultured because I am not a pig and even if I were, I am definitely not an uncultured piggy.
❄ 4 notes Sunday 18th October 2015 (8 years ago)
And That’s The Conclusion
❄ 2 notes Thursday 30th April 2015 (8 years ago)
Unsent
I didn’t mean that and, under the high stress situation that is your presence–your overarching hatred, anomaly, etc– I couldn’t properly relay anything.
I meant. I wanted to give up on you–like. Going by often, for no reason than to chat. And it’s not you; it’s these feelings. I wanted to give up on them and the easiest way that I could think would allow that is to simply burn my bridges from you. Because, if you hadn’t noticed–which is an understatement–I was never able to properly get rid of them. But you’ve told me not to just disappear, which, I wanted to, various times. But I thought I couldn’t make you sad because apparently I’ve remembered you telling me that you’d be sad if I had not come by anymore.So it’s a straightforward thing. I just hid it under the metaphor of “giving up on everything.” But let’s face it, if I had given up on you, I’d give up on everything, and I couldn’t have that again. But I think I’ll be fine; I’ll be fine this time like I’ve always been fine. What’s another anxiety trigger going to do to me? Nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Except make it a bit easier to kill myself, which is always a good thing.
I’m falling. But in the bad way. You know that point where it just hurts? It’s there now. I’d argue that it’s always been there, but it’s there and its more prominent than ever.
So what I really mean by this email is,Would it be okay if I just never stopped by–
And there’s the second meaning behind the email:I’m probably not going to chill anymore, so please don’t worry when you don’t see me, for the rest of forever. Honestly, killing myself would have made this end a lot easier, but I think that’d only hurt worse. And let’s be real: I really like chemistry. I mean, I’m in love with it. I love learning. I love this bullshit that we say is tests because I get to learn. And I love doing research and I’m in love with this world and everyone in it. And I love, and I love hard, and I’m just so filled to the brim with love I don’t know what to do with it. I just rather you not be a part of my life anymore, because my honesty is hidden under a bunch of meaningless shit when I’m near you.
Is that okay? I feel cheeky sending this because it implies that I think that I was worth a bit to you. And I’ll admit, I actually think so, even if it may not be the case.
❄ 4 notes Thursday 30th April 2015 (8 years ago)
notactuallycute this concerns me for some reason, is this okay?
Hello, shorter-url.
Your concern is very much understandable! Many people are taught that a shark cannot swim when still, which is partially true.Sharks mainly breathe via two methods– buccal pumping, in which the shark actively draws water in through its mouth to pass over its gills, and ram ventilation, in which the shark must constantly move to force water over their gills. Buccal pumping is more prevalent in ancient sharks, and while some sharks adapted for bottom-feeding still use it, many modern sharks – like the great white shark – have lost that ability altogether and instead can only breathe via ram ventilation. These are called obligate ram ventilators and they have to keep moving in order to breathe.
This particular shark is an adult S. fasciatum, a Zebra or Leopard Shark, depending on the region. Fortunately, they aren’t obligate ram ventilators and, in fact, have very strong buccal muscles. You can even see them working in the first two gifs. When it starts moving to swim away, the diver lets it go, and there’s no harm for either party.
All the best,
FatanyerosAlso, in my work with nurse sharks (same branch as S. fasciatum) I found them to actually enjoy scritches and petting. They would actively seek them out on their own terms.
My life is infinitely better for knowing some sharks like scritches.
(via lost-keys)
❄ 100,523 notes Wednesday 29th April 2015 (8 years ago)| Aries: | fuck that |
|---|---|
| Taurus: | "I'll do it later" *doesn't do it* |
| Gemini: | "I need to eat first" |
| Cancer: | *just ends up on the Internet* |
| Leo: | just doesn't do anything |
| Virgo: | "there's got to be something else I need to do first" |
| Libra: | finds other things to do instead of the thing |
| Scorpio: | "wow look how cute I am guess I can't do that thing" |
| Saggitarius: | "I can do it on Sunday" |
| Capricorn: | *eats until unable to move so they don't have to do anything* |
| Aquarius: | *pretends to sleep to avoid doing the thing* |
| Pisces: | *attempts it but doesn't finish* |
❄ 10,813 notes Wednesday 29th April 2015 (8 years ago)
Apocryphal.
He used the word apocryphal today.
Ugh, it’s probably one of the more refreshing things when I talk to him because his words are poetry–but the kind of poetry that makes you go, oh this is beautiful, not the one that makes no sense–and I swear if love exists, he’d be love. A physical form of it–a touch, a press, a laugh, a word.
But isn’t this just an apocryphal ending–a purely fictitious realm of surreal ideologies lodged inside the advent and deniable (its undeniable really) resistance of this so called love? Yeah.
❄ 4 notes Wednesday 29th April 2015 (8 years ago)
❄ 827 notes Wednesday 29th April 2015 (8 years ago)
when you shower on a friday night and you feel all that school coming off of you
(via periodically-aura)
❄ 447,115 notes Wednesday 29th April 2015 (8 years ago)
Watch the Baltimore Police LIE and get called out by a reporter for The Guardian.
(via teachercrushedlife)
❄ 154,094 notes Wednesday 29th April 2015 (8 years ago)
❄ 519,124 notes Tuesday 28th April 2015 (8 years ago)
did you ever notice that
This man who fixed Woody
Is the same man from the pixar short film Garis game
With proof
when he opens his drawers his chess pieces are there
Just showing people who havent noticed that pixar makes us happy whilst crushing our souls
(via duckseason-fire-deactivated2015)
❄ 309,860 notes Tuesday 28th April 2015 (8 years ago)
this is literally what it’s like to be 21
(via jakesgibson-deactivated20191121)
❄ 777,783 notes Tuesday 28th April 2015 (8 years ago)LIKE IT’S REAL I MEAN LOOK AT OBIS FACE
(via jakesgibson-deactivated20191121)
❄ 1,659,464 notes Tuesday 28th April 2015 (8 years ago)"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know."
(via i-wonder-if-you-wonder-about-me)
❄ 8,496 notes Tuesday 28th April 2015 (8 years ago)❄ Powered by Tumblr ❄